Jelly Bean Flavors

I have taken it upon myself to eat at least one half of each of the 20 flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans in the package I have come across and report on each of them.


Blueberry - Manages to actually taste somewhat like blueberries. Not half bad.

Bubble Gum - Does indeed taste quite like bubblegum. Exactly like bubblegum. The only thing that proves it is not in fact gum is that you can't blow bubbles with it.

Buttered Popcorn - Who thought this would be a good idea for a candy? The first bite does taste surprisingly like buttered popcorn. And then you realize how gross it is and immediately spit it out.

Coconut - Tastes like coconut. So if you're a fan of coconut....

Cotton Candy - This doesn't actually taste like cotton candy... which is pretty much just fluffy sugar. It is actually quite sweet and a little fruity. One of my favorites, especially since it is pretty easy to identify.

Green Apple - Tastes exactly like green apple flavor. Not really like green apples though. Don't expect it to be sour. But it is pretty yummy.

Juicy Pear - Despite looking like faded spinach, this does actually taste a little like pear. Really strong pear. Like maybe the kind you would cook with or something. Really though, it's definitely edible.

Sunkist Lemon - Tastes somewhat like every other lemon candy around that isn't too sour.

Lemon Lime - Tastes kind of like the lemon one. Maybe a little more limey?

Licorice - If you like black licorice.... I do not. Still not as bad as the popcorn one though.

Orange Sherbet - It's like orange... something. Not sherbet exactly.... But something. Still, it's edible.

Peach - Mmmmm peach candy. Yummmmmm. Kind of a weird aftertaste though.

Pina Colada - Out of all the jelly beans in my pack, there are more of this kind than any other. Why is that? I mean, a pina colada is an alcoholic drink. It's not like there could have been too many kids clamoring for this flavor. It tastes somewhat like pineapple? Definitely not as strong as some other pina colada flavored things. It's a pretty even balance between coconut and pineapple on this one.

Sizzling Cinnamon - DEATH. Especially when you think you're getting a nice cherry and you make the mistake of eating a whole one. I do not understand those people who like cinnamon. And still this is not as bad as the popcorn.

Strawberry Cheesecake - Not the best strawberry cheesecake interpretation ever. Not terrible either. I mean, how could it be, it's almost entirely made out of sugar. But still. Could be better. I had such high expectations.

Sunkist Tangerine - A very average jelly bean. Kind of what you expect it to taste like. Pretty forgettable.

Toasted Marshmallow - Oh lord. This just looks like a bad idea. It's not as bad as it looks though. Not really sure how toasted it tastes, but there is a marshmallow taste in there somewhere.

Tutti-Fruitti - Uhm, so this tastes vaguely like the gum they give you in the dentist's office.... Just sayin'.

Very Cherry - An old classic. Just don't mistake it with cinnamon.

Watermelon - My favorite part about this is by far the fact that the outside is green and the inside is red. That's pretty awesome. It also tastes kind of like fake-watermelon flavor. Which is ok since real watermelons taste kind of like sweetened water.

In review:
Best - Cotton Candy, Green Apple, Bubble Gum, Very Cherry
Worst - Licorice, Sizzling Cinnamon
Gag Worthy - Buttered Popcorn

Why Women are Expensive

No, really. It is not cheap being a girl. Let me describe the expenses.

1. That time of the month. Historically society has considered girls "women" when we finally get the monthly joy of a period. Nowadays, no matter how you deal with it, it is annoyingly expensive. Tampons, pads, ibuprofen... whatever you use, the cost adds up each month. And it's not like this is a fun experience.

2. Shaving. Or waxing, plucking, hair removal, etc. Yes, men shave too. But the area women are expected to keep smooth is vastly larger. Also, no one shuns a man who hasn't shaved in a few days. Imagine a woman not shaving her armpits for a few days... no one would be ok with that. And razors, shaving cream, wax, expensive appointments for hair removal or salon waxing are all significant expenses over the course of a year.

3. Toilet paper. Yes, this is relatively minor, but the fact is a woman's anatomy dictates that she will use more toilet paper than a man. About 4 times more in a year. There's a few nice dinners or movie tickets in there.

4. Hair care. The fact is, the majority of women have more hair than the majority of men. This requires brushes and shampoo at the minimum. Conditioner, hair spray, a dryer, expensive cuts and treatments, etc. at the maximum. And some of these things can end up costing hundreds of dollars.

5. Bras. This is an entire article of clothing men don't ever have to consider. And of course besides bras for everyday use, a woman is expected to own a few nice bras, sports bras, and maybe even expensive strapless or backless bras.

6. Other beauty expenses. Unlike the 5 above, these aren't strictly required by society - it is possible for the lucky woman to get by without them, but to fit in with most circles they are necessities. This includes makeup, hair styling products, and a wide range of shoes and clothes. Many birth control methods are also usually paid for by women. There is also a large amount of time involved in all of the above expenses, to say nothing of utility bills caused by society's demand that women be clean shaven beauties.

So really, men, understand that women are expensive because men and society expects them to maintain a sometimes ridiculous beauty regime.