Why I Think Disney Is A Cult

I remember enjoying Disneyland and Disney movies greatly when I was a child, but recently my trips have left me a little disillusioned. I'll admit, this might be because...

1. I now have to pay for my own tickets, which sucks....
2. When you've been on 5 million roller coasters at places where the only thing the coasters have going for them is speed and how many loops they have, rides like Thunder Mountain lose their thrill.
3. I'm now old enough that I don't enjoy being banged about on roller coasters that were built ages ago.
   
4. For being the happiest place on earth, I see a lot of unhappy people at Disneyland.
   

I remember back when Disneyland was just a bunch of fun rides, back when there were fish on strings in the Yellow Submarine ride and no one had ever thought about turning Pirates of the Caribbean into a movie. It seemed like Disney was more interested in providing genuine fun - not continuously promoting other Disney products.

This shows up in more areas than just around Disneyland. The Disney classics (like Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, etc.) have been mass marketed so much that I'm actually afraid to see any of the sequels, TV shows, or toys based on them just because they'll corrupt the childhood memories I have of when a movie was just a movie, not a ploy to steal all your money.

So here's my comparison to a cult:

What are they selling?
"Magic" - If you've ever seen Fantasmic or the fireworks show you know what I'm talking about.

What do they want from you?
It's all about money baby.

Where's the harm?
Well if you don't mind that they're corrupting children with the never-ending permutations of Disney products just begging to be bought and stealing all your money... then there is none.

I know a lot of people that are obsessed with Disneyland and will hear none of this, but every time I go and every time I see the newest version of some Disney title I used to enjoy, I cry a little bit inside. At Disneyland in particular I see a lot of people trying to buy into the "magic" and the "happiness" of it all, but when there is nearly a riot trying to get on the tram back to the parking lot, you see what's really underneath it all.

Facebook Suggestions

My thoughts exactly.

XKCD, thank you for expressing this so well.

Facebook needs to stop this ridiculousness. There is a reason I don't talk to these people. I do not need to "reconnect" with them. Piss off.

"Authentification"

THIS WORD DOES NOT EXIST.

Yes, I am yelling at all of you that say this. The correct word is authentication.

Definition:
1. A security measure designed to protect a communications system against acceptance of a fraudulent transmission or simulation by establishing the validity of a transmission, message, or originator.
2. A means of identifying individuals and verifying their eligibility to receive specific categories of information.
3. Evidence by proper signature or seal that a document is genuine and official.
- The Free Dictionary

Seriously, Google it. "Authentification" is most likely a combination of authentication and identification. It is not an actual word and there is no form of the word authentication that includes an f anywhere. Think you read it somewhere? Either the person who wrote it was an idiot or YOU ARE PRONOUNCING IT WRONG. Au-then-ti-cation. THERE IS NO F!

Never Say "I Love You" First?

So, this article from AskMen.com pissed me off. Primarily because it is either total BS or solely aimed towards men in relationships with women who like to be smacked down all the time.

Always let the woman bring up the "L" word first, and don't echo it back until you've had some extended time in with her.

Yeah, this is a great way to make a girl feel vulnerable and unwanted. If you feel it, you should say it because girls are in relationships for love. Have you never heard the saying that girls give sex for love and guys give love for sex? It's probably true for most people. If she's put her feelings out there, don't leave her hanging.

Men primarily need to have the experience of being accepted by a woman, while women primarily need to have the experience of having to wonder if the guy whom they are interested in, really likes them or not, and to what degree.

Really? I can't speak for what a man needs, but wondering if a guy likes her or not will drive a girl crazy. What a woman really wants is a little attention and some fun. If she doesn't know you're at least a little interested she probably won't waste her time.

So don't tell her you love her too soon and she'll love you more and sooner than you think. And by the way, don't attempt to verify this fact with women because, more often than not, they will deny it and will only confuse you even more.

All I have to say is "Ha ha ha ha ha."

...it takes at least two months to begin to know someone well enough to have any real sense as to whether they are lifetime partner material, or just someone to party with.

This I do actually agree on. If you're this far into a relationship in just 2 months you probably should step back and take a breather. Make sure you mean what you say and you understand what loving someone entails. Love is complicated and jumping in too fast can kill what would have been a great relationship. So think for a while before you say anything. Remember you can't take back something you've said, but you can always say "I love you." And don't forget to think for a moment which you'll regret more: saying those words, or missing the chance to do so.

Stingrays

I just really wanted to write something about stingrays because they are awesome.

They are naturally very curious but flee from danger and are unlikely to hurt people unless provoked - this most often happens when they are stepped on.

There are about 70 species of stingrays. The largest freshwater stringray ever was caught in Thailand and weighted about 770 pounds and was about 7 feet wide, with a 10 foot long stinger. The largest salt water ray ever may have weighed around 3,000 pounds and was about 16 feet wide.

Stingrays are often seen by divers and snorkelers in shallow sandy water, often in warm locations. We saw some while snorkeling off of Catalina and they were very cool and quite large. Lots of aquariums and places like Sea World have stingrays with their stingers removed that people can pet. They are soft and slippery feeling and like being fed small fish. Petting stingrays is awesome. Try it.

On another random note, I think my first Beanie Baby was a stingray. It looked something like this stingray, except is much more worn now.

10 Facts About Avocados

1. The name avocado comes from the Nahuatl word ahuacatl which apparently meant testicle and was a reference to the shape of the fruit. Aren't you going to think about that now every time you eat an avocado?

Interestingly enough, the word guacamole comes from ahuacamolli which is basically avocado sauce. Or you know, testicle sauce.

2. 100 grams of avocado is roughly 160 calories. About 75% of that is from fat. Avocados also have more fiber than any other fruit and more potassium than bananas. They are also good for your cholesterol. Yay.

3. Avocado can be dangerous to dogs, cats, birds, horses, and other animals. It can cause colic in horses when large amounts are consumed, which can lead to death if not treated. This kind of makes me mad at avocados, because in the grand scheme of things horses = more awesome than avocados, although it's a close race sometimes depending on the ripeness of the avocado and whether or not horses behave.

4. Avocados are most common used as a base in dips like guacamole, on toast or in sandwiches, in sushi rolls, in omelettes, or eaten plain.

5. A single avocado plant cannot bear fruit unless it has another plant to cross pollinate with. So if you're growing them, best to plant two.

6. California produces about 90% of the avocados grown in the US. The US produces about 40% of worldwide avocado exports. Mexico and Indonesia produce the most avocados a year, with the US coming in third.

7. Avocados are also referred to as "butter pears" or "alligator pears."

8. The avocado tree is in the same family as cinnamon. Can't you see the similarities? Although apparently some people think they taste good together.

9. After it is picked an avocado takes 7-10 days to ripen. Putting it in the fridge will slow this down, while putting it in a bag with other fruit will speed this up.

10. Avocados had a long history as a sexual stimulant and used to not be purchased or eaten by people who wanted to appear sexually pure. So guacamole was only for the sexy people. Yum.

Avocados are awesome. If you want more random facts, and to read some of these again, look here.

Cat Calls

That whoo-whoo noise. If you live in a city and are a reasonably well shaped woman you know what I'm talking about. Also apparently referred to as a wolf whistle.

I do not understand this phenomenon. According to urban dictionary:

When a guy gives the wert whirl whistle or yells at a babydoll for the purpose of getting attention and in hopes of a future hookup. This is usually done out of the window of a car. Typically a Pontiac Firebird, or Camaro. 99.9% a hookup never arises and it's just the thrill that keeps these going.

This definition is in interesting in its specificity, but accurate in my experience. This definition however...

Stereotypical whistle in which a male uses to convey his pleasure he has undergone simply from glimpsing upon an attract female visage. Usually leads to sexual intercourse.

-Caution-

DO NOT use on cats.

Ignoring the author's lack of knowledge of the English language, this post is redeemable based on the warning at the bottom. Really, if it wasn't for that comment I would have gagged on the grammar and run away. I doubt this person's grasp on reality though. Usually leads to sexual intercourse? Really now....

Why do people whistle at women like this though? Are they really expecting a "hookup?" Should I be flattered or worried for my safety? Also why does this occur so often when I'm biking? Are women on bikes sexy? Explanation please!

7 Things Guys Can Do To Make Girls Happy

Sometimes I think relationships are like holidays. They're supposed to be awesome and often suck. So here's a list of things that, in my opinion, guys can do to make girls happier in a relationship. Because we all know that boys are happy when their girl is happy, and happy girls lead to other... happy things. Take or leave what you will.

1. Let her know you're thinking of her. This is especially applicable if you're in a situation where you don't see each other much. Send a short email, text message, or something that lets her know you're thinking of her. It doesn't have to be deep and it doesn't have to be cheesy, she'll be happy just knowing you miss her and you care.

2. Compliment her every day. It's a little know fact, but compliments expire every night. No matter how much you tell her she is beautiful one day, she'll still wake up the next morning afraid you'll see her bed head and walk away. And no matter how confident she is, she still will love a compliment every day. Any kind of compliment will do, whether it's how much she makes you laugh, how beautiful she is, or how much you love her cooking. Take the time to point out what you like about her and you'll make her happy.

3. Get her small gifts. Women aren't all selfish and materialistic, but everyone will love a small spontaneous present, whether it is a single flower, a balloon, a little plastic toy, something you stole from the supply room at work, or something completely random. She'll appreciate the thought and every time she sees the present she'll think of you. Trust me, this is a good thing.

4. Be affectionate in public. Some people hate PDA, so make sure you know your girl, but most appreciate you showing a little affection when you're out and about, especially if you are with your friends, and especially if these friends are females she doesn't know well. It'll show her you care about her as more than a friend and send a signal that you're not into your other girl friends. Hug her around the waist from behind or hold her hand and she'll know you care about her and aren't ashamed to be with her in public.

5. When you make plans, put thought into them. Doing something doesn't have to be a big commitment, but show her that you care by planning a little ahead of time. If you're going out to dinner, make reservations. If you are planning something spontaneous, let her know ahead of time that you'll be doing something, but don't tell her what it is. She'll love the surprise. Even if you're doing something casual, set it up to look like you put time into it. She'll enjoy it no matter what you do.

6. Initiate time together. Don't let her be the first to start up a conversation or let her plan all of your time together. It'll make her feel like she's doing all the work and that you don't care. It'll also make her feel like she's bothering you with plans and make her feel desperate, and no woman likes feeling desperate.

7. Share your secrets. I know, girls share everything and guys are closemouthed, but try to share important events with her. Let her know what matters to you and what makes you excited or happy and she'll be happy too.

Sensing a theme? It's all about the small things, done often. Why'd I list 7 things? Because I could probably list a million, but Google searching will bring those up for you if you really care. This post also has a great list of specific small things to do for your girl.

Shockingly enough, this post seems to be me offering an explanation instead of asking for one. So here's a question: what should girls do to make a guy happy (aside from the obvious sexual things, because those are, well, obvious)?

Taylor Swift

I hate Taylor Swift's music. Nothing against the girl in person, but I really can't stand her songs. I could deal with it when all we heard on the radio was "Love Story" even though the lyrics imply no knowledge of the actual play Romeo and Juliet.

"Romeo save me they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes"

She does realize that Romeo and Juliet end up dead at the end, right? Still, I could have dealt with that song had it not been for "You Belong With Me." It's basically a song about a girl wanting to steal a guy away from another girl because she thinks they are a better match together. How selfish is this? And why is the entire nation obsessed with this song? Are we all secretly dreaming about breaking up our friends' relationships so we can have them for ourselves? I'm sure many people have someone out there that they secretly adore and feel like they belong with (I see one on FML almost every day) but do we really want to go to the lengths of breaking up other relationships to have someone?

I know, it's just a song and I shouldn't read too much into it, but lyrics are important. I have friends like the couple in the song and I have friends like the narrator of the song, and I root for the couple, which makes me against the narrator, which is why I hate Taylor Swift. Relationships are hard and no one outside the people in them can ever really know what is going on, even very close friends. And I would think people, especially my friends in relationships, would get this. But of course, they're big Taylor fans. Explanation, please!

American Apparel

American Apparel has some of the worst clothing ever. Who in the world wears this stuff?

Case in point: Ad seen on textsfromlastnight.com. I can't believe they are actually advertising this look. Not only have I never seen someone wear something this horrible, I can't imagine anyone would want to, ever. "Fall Classics?" Please! If you're out there and you like this, please let me know, because I don't get it. It practically embodies the stereotype of the fashion-challenged nerd. Halloween costume maybe?

Don't get me wrong, some of their stuff is great, like the basic t-shirts seen on shirt.woot that I buy more often than I should, and I have nothing against the idea behind American Apparel, but the kid that wears that outfit in public is going to be mocked. MOCKED I say. And no one likes that.

American Apparel's advertising for women is another thing altogether. I mean are we selling sex or clothes here? Sex sells, I know, but these ads definitely aren't convincing me. Anyone else feel the same?

Case in point: Ad taken straight from American Apparel. I've seen this camera angle before. Where was it? Oh right, porn. Great.

So, what do you think? Would anyone actually buy these things?
Explanation, please!